came home to deepen my roots...

But I'm wondering why I even tried....

While in Canada, I didn’t know how to be Filipino.
I was mostly ashamed—
of my accent,
my features,
our cultural habits,
and even… our food.
(Yes, imagine being ashamed of food. Lechon?? 😱 A story for another time.)

It took me years to unlearn that shame.
To learn my roots.
To embrace what I once tried to hide.

To deepen what it means to be Filipino.

To touch the land, speak the language, and understand the version of the Philippines that I never got to live in full.

I came back not to complain

—but to belong.

But I’ve only been here less than a week and I’m already disgusted—not by poverty, not by imperfection, but by the people.

• The people who let this system rot and then defend it like it’s sacred.

You walk into a mall and what do you see?

Workers standing around doing nothing. If they do assist you, they’re busy chatting with their coworkers like you’re a background inconvenience.

Then when you finally check out, they treat you like a criminal with the "show-your-receipt" culture - not skimmed, checked one by one.

Not for protection. Not for policy.

But out of some twisted culture of suspicion and power-tripping.

• You ask questions? You’re rude.
• You expect urgency? Zero urgency. Zero Initiative. You’re “maarte, demanding, too westernized".
• You want things to work properly? They say “eh ganun talaga dito.”
  

Why is this acceptable?

Why are outdated websites, lazy processes, and inconsistent rules tolerated like they’re just part of being Filipino?

You say “Filipino pride” but pride without action is just noise.

We have workers who act entitled to their chairs more than their duties.

We have systems that break and no one wants to fix them.

We have hospitality—but only if you’re white.

We are kind to foreigners but rude to each other.

And we romanticize our resilience while mocking accountability.

I’m angry because I cared.

Because I had hope.

But this place, this system, this culture—keeps pushing away the people who want better.

I loved being Filipino more when I was far away.
Now that I'm here, I see what we've normalized - and I can't unsee it.

So to those who feel this, too—you’re not alone.

To those who don’t get it—maybe you’re part of the problem.

This isn’t hate. This is grief.

Grief for a country I wanted to love more deeply— and now struggle to respect.