you’ve heard about fear of failure..

How about fear of success?

The one where you're scared to be seen yet want to be seen. Stupid right? It might be stupid but it's so valid.

When you’re a failure, no one wants to give you sh*t. No attention. No one listens. Nothing. You’re invisible.

This is where the advantage of being invisible comes in. No one gives you sht.* You’re not vulnerable to attacks, unsolicited advice, hurtful comments, rumours and reputation slander.

No one’s paying YOU any attention.

But the danger is, you are now a subject of your own belittlement and despicable narrative of yourself.

It’s one thing when people think you’re a failure, and it’s a deeper degree of pain when you view yourself as one.

I grew up in a small town where growing up, especially in my teenage days, all eyes were on me.

Every move I take, rumours. Every decision I make, they question it. Every success I had, they discredited it. Every bad thing I’ve done was spun and added to further tarnish my reputation. Everything I wear gets bullied - too fat, got too skinny, too boyish, too girly, looks like an unkempt auntie, looks older than a mother.

So, success? I see a target on my back—an invitation for people to do things and feel justified.

💡 Constructive criticism, no matter how well delivered, often still stings. Now imagine countless unproductive criticisms that often stem from ignorance and hate, when even a single one can have a significant impact. Being successful requires a solid and unshakeable awareness of who you are. It requires the skill to tune out unnecessary narratives or an impenetrable shield to not let it get to you. This idea is straightforward yet sometimes requires a vicious cycle to embody.

So what now?

Well, I have to accept there’s a level of vulnerability and transparency toward success.

I have to find the show I’m willing to perform, and the discomfort I’m willing to go through.

• Want to make millions? Impact millions
• Want to be irreplaceable? Well, they have to see ME and I have to communicate and oftentimes, persuade them.
• Want to be successful? I have to avoid the assimilation to mediocrity, which will then make me stand out from the crowd.

These are the things I have to accept. Things I am slowly doing my best to make peace with.

I don’t fear failure. Heck! I’ve been a failure. I fear success.

How can I be/have the same thing I fear the most?